you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Still dying that you shit outside
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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