I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
