I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
