bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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