Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
