I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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