you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
