my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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