hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
