i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
