I cannot find my penis.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
