hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
