The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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