He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
