I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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