i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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