Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
