waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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