Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your penis caused this!
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