the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
