i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
