Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
