hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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