So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
