I want to make a zoo with you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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