Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
