and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
only you would photoshop your dick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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