Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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