That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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