I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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