just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
