The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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