Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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