Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
