We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
