My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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