Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
