It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
