He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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