He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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