im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
