Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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