What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
