we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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