i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
someone owes me an orgasm
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
