im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
