smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
