Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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