if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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