ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
