i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
