You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
