Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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