I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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