It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
