O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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