the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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