That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
