I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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