I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
