i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They have beer where we have blood.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
