Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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