just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
