somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
