Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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