I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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