I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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