hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
